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Surviving Affair: Kindness Toward SelfArticle Summary: Surviving [url=http://www.piktor.fr/abercrombie-france/]abercrombie france[/url] infidelity is difficult considering the myths about [url=http://www.renaissancedestoiles.fr]louboutin[/url] infidelity that hinder [url=http://www.montresidole.fr]moncler doudoune[/url] healing from the pain of infidelity. Learn 3 specific tasks that generate a shift away from the pain and negative thoughts to a position of personal power that will help surviving an affair.
Be Extraordinarily Kind to Yourself... because no one else will.
Perhaps this last phrase is a little strong.
But the reality in our Western culture often subtly conveys that the wounded spouse has somehow failed.
The cheating spouse has "fallen in love" (and "being in love" is the basis for a strong relationship... right?) with someone else and obviously the marriage was not meeting his/her needs.
Some directly make this statement. Often (and I'm a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 28 years of experience) infidelity "counseling" by reputable therapists often try to ascertain, "what went wrong in the marriage." And, that means YOU.. what's wrong with you that s/he bolted?
Kinda crazy, once you understand the dynamics of infidelity, I know.
Family and friends are tongue tied and don't know what to say or they offer the simplistic advise: "Kick him/her out! I would!"
But, they don't understand that you know, at one level, the emptiness and personal neediness of your cheating spouse, for which s/he thought the affair to be the solution.
Or, you are labeled the victim. Poor you! You have it so [url=http://www.davidhabchy.com]barbour sale[/url] bad. [url=http://www.dekortik.fr]Hollister France[/url] Again, not a very flattering description. You certainly are NOT helpless. You have not lost your personal power, although it may feel like it.
And, finally, from an outsiders point of view (and sometimes your point of view) your cheating spouse has all the power. S/he is calling the shots. You have lost or are about to lose EVERYTHING and there is nothing you can do about it.
The result of this negative onslaught: You form powerfully negative and seemingly destructive thoughts and images, about your self and them, that consume every waking moment.
What do you [url=http://www.fm2k11.it]Moncler Outlet[/url] do then to counteract or cope with this bombardment of negativity?
Allow me to offer a few suggestions:
1. Think of your internal self as parts.
The terribly negative feelings occur when internally you fail to make distinctions and lack the awareness that there are different parts of you. Internally you feel the raging and churning chaos.
2. [url=http://www.pollinate.it/category/moncler-outlet-online/]moncler outlet online[/url] [url=http://www.absolutecleanonline.com/the-number-1-reason-adults-wash-their-hands-is#comment-]Travel Tips For Your Vacation Rental Trip to Bulgaria - written by Milan Matchev[/url] Be aware of your internal dialogue (how you "talk to yourself" in your mind.)
Are you upset with "yourself" for being in this position? Well, that means that one part of you who doesn't want the pain is upset with another part which feels the pain.
See where I'm going? Right now, as you read [url=http://diandian.iblogger.org/?p=160#comment-184740]Ionic and Colloidal Silver - written by Ben Mester[/url] this article, do you feel any relief internally?
Once you begin to identify the parts, you take back your personal power, feel better and can engage more productively in effective action.
3. Intentionally be aware of, and utilize, 3 parts of you.
There is [url=http://www.montresidole.fr/category/doudoune-moncler-france/]doudoune moncler soldes[/url] the part that feels awful, perhaps worthless, devalued, raging, etc.
Another chunk of you desires to attack that other chunk, hopes it will dissipate. It might be exceedingly critical of your pain, which is perceived as "weakness."When you feel your anger or pain, you in essence are angry with that chunk of you that feels the pain and powerlessness.
There is another part of you that can stand [url=http://www.villacannizzo.it]hogan[/url] back and be objective. This segment or part of you is now [url=http://www.villacannizzo.it]scarpe hogan outlet[/url] taking in the thoughts in this [url=http://www.viarosmini33.it]Woorich Outlet[/url] article. This part of you can think. [url=http://www.riad-marrakesh.fr]www.riad-marrakesh.fr[/url] This is the part of you that will study and [url=http://hitecjewelry.info/sell-your-jewelry-with-these-easy-tips/#comment-505416]Novus plastic polish, plastidip and delrin make do-it-yourself projects simpler - written by Dane Brecher[/url] learn about infidelity. It will see patterns. The motivations of your cheating spouse will be identified. It is that part that will strategize and employ tactics to stop the affair and perhaps save the marriage.
This is the part of you that becomes the kind parent and comforter to the part that feels in pain and helpless. This is the part of you that will teach the anger critical part that it's criticism and anger is an attempt to protect and care for you as well.
The more awareness [url=http://www.footdedemain.fr]jordan pas cher[/url] you have of these different parts, the more you are freed to cope and move ahead.
Your work, your power, your hope lies within. And, this is very doable.
Yes, you will slide into the internal criticism and the pain, but a part of you with compassion will call you out of that pain and into something more constructive, time and time again.
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Robert Huizenga Article Feed :
Dr. Robert Huizenga, CSW, LMFT, The Infidelity Coach, is an author, and Marriage and Family Therapist. For the past two decades he has served hundreds of couples, specifically in the area of surviving infidelity. He is author of "Break Free From The Affair." Infidelity and on surviving an affair and other services are available on his web sites. [url=http://www.jeremyparendt.com/Barbour-Paris.php]barbour france paris[/url]
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